


deploy

by undread



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Author is trying to cope, BUT NOT ACTUALLY ITS AN INTRUSIVE THOUGHT, Gay Owada Mondo, Implied/Referenced Incest, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Male Solo, Masturbation, Owada Daiya's Death, POV Second Person, Trans Owada Mondo, its mental illness innit, once again the ishimondo is just implied, that's not even the central point of the fic i just felt the need to point it out, they arent even dating mondo is just crushing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27666335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undread/pseuds/undread
Summary: for the horrors of life i do believe
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Owada Daiya & Owada Mondo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	deploy

**Author's Note:**

> (11/22/20)
> 
> i really don't know if i should even post this but it's my fourth try writing it so i just feel like i should
> 
> (11/26/20)
> 
> i've had this sitting in my drafts for a few days now and i'm finally just gonna post it, if it gets backlash or it turns out i Couldn't Have Written This Worse i'll just delete it

You don't actually feel good, doing this. It kinda hurts, but it feels good at the same time. You keep going, because you're pretty sure it's gonna start feeling better soon, that's what you heard. You don't really remember where you heard it, but you definitely heard it at some point. Probably from someone in the gang, at some point, a long time ago, but you don't remember really.

You're trying to imagine a scene, because you're pretty sure those make it better, sometimes. There's a guy on top of you, pounding into you hard, your fingers aren't really going hard though, they're just kinda fast, he's pounding into you though and he has his arms wrapped around you tight. Your legs are over his shoulders, if only because it actually hurts a little less when you position them like that. You're moaning and calling out his name and he's kissing your neck and he leans back up to look at you with those ruby eyes. He's always so stuck up, he's always yelling at you about the rules, and you like to think he would put all that aside and just destroy you, he would call you names and break your fucking pelvis and it would be so good, it's so good, it's so-

Unrealistic. You feel pretty bad, actually, thinking about him like this. You aren't even dating, Kiyotaka would be disgusted if he knew you thought about him fucking you. He would be disgusted if he knew you liked him. He wouldn't be your bro anymore, that's for sure, he'd probably stop talking to you altogether unless it was to yell at you for running in the halls. He's probably a bottom anyway.

You try to stop imagining Taka. It's hard and no other thoughts really make you feel the momentary happiness that thinking about Taka did. Leon would probably be chill, he'd probably just be happy he's getting his dick wet, but he also probably has an STD, so no thanks. Yasuhiro might be nice. Big guy, big dick, but all you can think about when you think about him is the rant he went on about the fucking _lochness monster,_ so that's a no. You don't even care about Makoto enough to imagine him.

Someone from your gang, maybe. Takemichi would have been nice, maybe, if you didn't lead the gang. Displaying this much weakness in front of him- you don't really know if you could do that. You're still the boss, you're still the leader, you still need to hold up that façade of strength around him. He trusts you, and you trust him, Daiya trusted him, Daiya, Daiya, Daiya your brain said Daiya why the fuck did it say Daiya stop stop stop stop

You pull your fingers out and curl in on yourself. Your blankets could not possibly be heavy enough. What the fuck is wrong with you? What's your issue? Daiya would never do that to you, Daiya's a good brother, Daiya's fucking dead and you just thought about him while masturbating _what the fuck is your issue._

You're done. It hurt, it hurt the whole time and you can't anymore, you feel disgusting and you wanna take a shower and you've never been so thankful for the soundproofed dorms. You turn on the shower as hot as you can get it and you cry, you scream and sob and cry like you're in some young adult movie. You're disgusting, he would be fucking ashamed if he could see you now. He would beat the shit out of you, he never dared lay a hand on you but he would beat the shit out of you.

You get out of the shower but you don't feel anymore clean. You still feel absolutely filthy and your sheets are still too thin. You want to stay under them forever, you want to be invisible. _What the fuck is your issue._


End file.
